dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
