you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
