Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
