it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
