my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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