I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
