Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
