i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
