I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
