I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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