Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
