It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
