Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
