I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
