I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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