i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
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