make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
