The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm way too hungover for life right now
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize