Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
