Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
