I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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