it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
im six kinds of drunk right now
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
