She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
