I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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