I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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