I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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