Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
