This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
