um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize