after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
