i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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