you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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