ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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