He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
