i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
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our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
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Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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