Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
