there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
