Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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