Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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