Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
