dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
