so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
