Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
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All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck