took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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