Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
