How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
