Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
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