turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Farmville is her only friend.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
