I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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