If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
