If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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