I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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