i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
