and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
