My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
