she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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