at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
we're making bets on your personal life
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
