Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
