pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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